The Tragic Fantasy of Marrying Someone of the Opposite Orientation

EW said:

This means, that women’s response is more generalized and women may be stimulated by watching sexual situation as such. In men, the arousal is more specific.

It's true it's harder to distinguish general arousal from sexual arousal in women than it is in men. Also, we can never guarantee a one to one correspondence between the pictures and the fantasies they might evoke.

As a favorite professor of mine was want to say, sex requires two basic things, fantasy and friction. That's why clinics that rely on sperm donation have girlie magazines in the rest room. Fantasy may suffice for a time, but a meaningful relationship requires two participating adults where any fantasy is replaced by the total reality of the other.

As the physiological test shows, gay men are aroused by pictures and thoughts of other men, but not women. This is why the suggestion that someone who is gay should just conform to "societal norms" and marry someone of the opposite sex is so ludicrous. At best we have a man who has to fantasize about someone else in order to go through the motions with his wife. She's fully engaged, heart mind and soul, in the reality of the experience while his mind is replacing her with someone quite different.

Or, more likely, he could avoid intimate relations as much as possible leaving both his needs and hers unsatisfied, her love unrequited. The children have no role models for a relationship based on emotional love and affection. How are they to learn how to fill these roles themselves later? Boys in these situations often "learn" that women exist for their sexual gratification. The love and affection that belongs in a relationship is not in evidence. Girls in these situations want affection like we all do, but not seeing this expressed appropriately by their parents, they may become promiscuous trading sex for the affection they need.

A life built on such fantasy is no life at all. The husband has no love in his life unless he finds a man on the side. The wife has a husband but their relationship is superficial, satisfying neither. The children learn that love is little more than gratuitous sex.

If the wheels come off the train, in a classic Ex-Gov McGreevey moment, don't look for someone to put the train back together. It wasn't on the right track to start with. While being raised by one's married biological parents is ideal for heterosexuals, an arrangement like this is a disservice to the children. Anything we can do to discourage gays from marrying someone of the opposite sex will prevent these tragedies from happening in the future.

From a post at: Family Scholar's blog Comment #99