Ware Farms

Speaking truth to prejudice

Monday, April 11, 2005


Magical Thinking vs Gay Reality

John wrote: "All people should be equal, and to create equality, all people should truly love and become fully human by joining with a person of the other sex into a single fully human entity."

In therapy, this is known as "magical thinking." When confronted with a difficult situation, instead of dealing with the issue, the person simply waves a magic wand, changing the world into one where the problem no longer exists. Needless to say, reality doesn't change to conform to our wishful thinking, so pretending otherwise isn't helpful. The sooner the person leaves their fantasies behind and deals with the world of reality the better.

The reality is this:

About five percent of any given population is attracted the persons of the same gender. They cannot form bonds of love and affection with persons of the opposite sex.

The gender of the person one is attracted to is hard wired into to limbic system before birth at the same primitive level as the fight or flight reaction. As an autonomic nervous system function, this emotional reaction is not subject to conscious control.

Sexual orientations are distributed though the population in a nearly random fashion. The proportions represented have held true over time and across cultures. Anyone can have a gay son or a lesbian daughter, VP and Mrs. Cheney, for example. Upbringing has nothing to do with it.

Sexual orientation cannot be changed. This is one of the three main reasons that the American Psychological Association and other reputable organizations removed this category from the list of mental disorders in the 1970's. The evidence in support of this decision is overwhelming.

While we can moderate our behavioral response to an emotional reaction, we can no more eliminate the reaction itself than we can hold our breath indefinitely. Trying to "cure" someone of their homosexuality is not only futile but also dangerous. When a person realizes that no "cure" is possible despite their most sincere efforts, they can become depressed and suicidal. Anyone who encourages a person to attempt such a change is also responsible for the tragedy that follows.

Teens are subject to peer pressure to conform to the norms of the group, which is predominately heterosexual. This is impossible for gay and lesbian students. Fortunately, schools have made efforts to inform students about the homosexual situation, yet prejudice and harassment continue. The rate of suicides among gay teens is still three times the average.

In the same way, pressuring someone who is not heterosexual to give up their emotional needs for love and affection to enter into a heterosexual marriage, not only does the couple involved an injustice and their children, but does harm to society in the long run as well.

The propensity of some politicians and preachers to play to the homophobic prejudices of ill-informed people for political or personal gain is still rampant in many areas of the country as we saw in the last election and in too many TV ministries. We need to celebrate our differences, not exploit them.

So waving a magic wand as if this will make homosexuals disappear or to ignore them or tell them to act like everyone else, is not a realistic approach to the situation. If you can't provide positive solutions in these matters, then you are just another part of the problem.

And no, I'm not in the public square trying to drum up business. Frankly I'm tired, very tired of the time spent to repair the lives of those whom a thoughtless and unjust society have torn apart due to unwarranted prejudice. I look forward to the day when a better understanding of homosexuality, as presented above, will make this less necessary. (From: Family Scholar's blog Comment #66)


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