Realistic Options in Therapy

George,

I promote reality based, client centered therapy. Presenting new options and new ways of thinking goes a long way towards allowing clients to choose behaviors which will lead to more successful outcomes in their lives. However, reality does not permit me to suggest that someone pretend to be something they are not. This prayer is a guide in many situations we encounter in life:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Sexual orientation is an innate quality which cannot be changed. Surely the excerpts from the Exodus marriage workshop make it clear that even they understand this basic fact. The change they brag about involves only behavior as they attempt to convince people that they should deny what is an integral part of themselves and pretend to be heterosexual.

Believe me, gays have a long history of pretending that they are not gay, and they learned this on their own without any help from Exodus or anyone else. The tragedies, large and small, that have been the result are beyond any human comprehension.

Therapy often involves providing others with knowledge that will help them meet their human needs in a responsible way. As Maslow pointed out, needs form a hierarchy. After food, clothing and shelter, we have an urge to have sex which can be satisfied in various ways. Above these, more importantly, are the ones which best define what it means to be human. Intimacy provides the means to have our highest needs met. To suggest that gays should abandon the same human needs we all share and "make do" with someone of the opposite sex is unconscionable.

You're right. Marriage is much more than just sex. Promoting lifelong, committed relationships where our highest human needs are fulfilled in a responsible way is a valid government goal. Gays should not only be allowed to marry but also be encouraged to do so for the same reasons that marriage is encouraged for the rest of us.

Also posted at Family Scholar's blog. See other comments there and my posts below.