Ware Farms

Speaking truth to prejudice

Friday, June 30, 2006


Lorian's Family

A response to a comment to this post at exgay watch:
F. Rottles, whether you choose to call me gay, lesbian, homosexual, "same-sex attracted," or any other term, the words you and I use do nothing to change or invalidate the reality of my 15-year relationship with the woman I love, nor the lovely children God has given us. I cannot imagine a more fulfilling, blessed and sacramental covenant than the "lifestyle" I live with the wonderful woman God placed in my life.

When you discuss a gay person "reorientating" him- or herself, you make the error of confusing orientation with "lifestyle." Certainly I have chosen (and been blessed with) a lifestyle that involves having a family and a home together with my same-gendered partner and our children. I could have chosen a celibate lifestyle, or even, God forbid, a loveless, dishonorable, dishonest "married" lifestyle with a man, promising him levels of physical and emotional love and commitment I could never actually fulfill. So, yes, one can change one's lifestyle (though not necessarily with particularly good results), but one's orientation is quite another thing entirely.

Think in terms of a compass. You orient yourself based upon the points of the compass. You may turn the compass one way or another so that the needle appears to be pointing to the east or to the west, but the fact is that the needle always continues to point to the north, no matter which way you turn the compass. Similarly, a gay person may turn him/herself one way or another, opting for a celibate lifestyle, or choosing to marry someone of the opposite gender despite lack of love, attraction and deep, intimate connection, but his/her internal compass will always remain pointing to his/her "true north," his/her basic orientation towards and attraction to persons of his or her own gender.

Yet no matter how sincerely Lorian expresses the love she has for her same-gendered partner and their children, some still insist that lesbian and gay families do not deserve to be recognized in our country.